Updates!

After my whole ER experience and everything, I started having some light pink spotting last Wednesday. I was so so scared, it reminded me of what happens before I start my period. That mixed with not seeing the baby in a month, my anxiety level was through the roof. I called the doctor and they squeezed me in for a quick ultrasound and thank god everything looked perfect. He actually had a difficult time getting a picture for me because the baby was so active.
Now fast forward to today, I had my regular appointment along with my NT scan. The scan went great. The baby kept sticking his/her hand in front on her face and was even putting his/her hand in her mouth. It was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. The baby wasn't cooperating well for the measurments so the tech poked my belly which made the baby jump. Again, so cute! We were able to get all the measurments we needed and the scan looked great, now we just have to wait for hte labs. We were also able to hear the heartbeat with the doppler which was pretty cool. I've got to say, I am not sad that the first trimester is nearly over. I am feeling SO much better lately, and I feel a little better being more "out of the woods." I'm so excited for what's to come, shopping, finding out the gender, more shopping :) Well, here are some new photos. One is from 11w4d when I had the spotting and the rest are from today 12w2d.

Well that was fun

I haven't updated in a couple weeks, but I really didn't have too much to say. I've been having all the normal morning sickness, and exhaustion most people experience in their fisr trimester. But, no real complaints, I've just been so happy to be pregnant. Starting about midnight on Monday I started throwing up a lot. At first I just thought that morning sickness was really kicking my ass that day. But into the afternoon I still couldn't keep anything down, not even water. My sister was sick also, so I thought I'd just caught a bug. I called my OB, and I just thought he'd probably call me in some antinausea meds, but they told me I had to go to the ER for some fluids. I waited a couple more hours to go and ate/drank something hoping it'd stay down. When I didn't, and I started to have a little cramping I finally agreed to go. There is absolutly nothing I wouldn't do to make sure that the baby is okay. When I got there my blood pressure was really high, and I also had a UTI. They gave me fluids, blood pressure meds, zofran, and IV antibiotics. The blood pressure meds instantly made me feel hot, dizzy, and like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I've never felt like that before. Tim grabbed the doctor and they gave me some IV benadryl. I don't know if it helped, but it knocked me out. We got home about 10pm and I went right to bed. I slept like a rock all night. This morning I still feel really wierd and a little out of it, like I just want to sleep all day. So that was our adventure last night...
I am 10w4d today and had my first OB appointment last week. I loved him and the office they are all really great. They were really interested in our IVF process, and treated me like a "special" patient. Our next visit is at 12 weeks, we have an NT scan and will get to hear the heartbeat with the doppler. I can't wait, I feel like that visit will be a huge milestone for us.

Ultrasound Update!

Today was my last ultrasound for the fertility doctor and I was released to the OB! We did the last PIO last night (won't miss that!)and I'm tapering down the estrogen pills and will be done with those in a week or so. Today's ultrasound went great (once we got in there), the machine was broken and we had to wait an hour and a half. It was worth it though :) I was so surprised at how much bigger the baby looks in just a week! You can actually tell which end is the head now. It measured right on track. I can't believe how much better I feel after today, it feels more and more real every day! Our first OB appointment is next Monday, but I will have to wait quite some time now for another ultrasound. I am not looking forward to that, I've been so spoiled by these frequent peeks. Here is an updated picture!

7 week ultrasound

It went really good! The heart rate was 136, the tech said it was perfect and our litle blob meaured right on track! Putting last weeks picture and this one next to each other I can't believe the difference a week makes! Here's another pic! In the first one the little cicle on the left in the yolk sac (it's "food")everytime they say yolk, I think of a baby chick! The 2nd pic is just a different view. (I know the pics are really small, they get a bit bigger if you click on them)

2nd ultrasound!!!

Today is Tim's birthday and mine next week, and we could've gotten a better gift. We got to see and hear our baby's heartbeat! The heartrate was 113, which they said was perfect, and everything looked great! I am 6 weeks 2 days today and our due date is about December 17th. We are so excited and I finally feel like this is actually real! Here is our first picture, the arrow points to the baby. I know it's just a blob, but it's our blob :)
(if you click on the picture it'll get bigger)

First ultrasound/update

Today we had our first OB ultrasound. I felt like I did right before I took the pregnancy test. Sick with worry,not wanting to know the truth yet no matter what it was. I wanted to remain blissfully ignorant for a little while longer. I knew that wasn't a possibility. We got the the office early and they were waiting on us. I'm glad things moved so quickly, it didn't give me time to sit in the waiting room to ponder. The tech asked me if they had a guess how many babies were in there, I told her I'm pretty sure just one because of my beta levels. Again things happened so fast I didn't have time to worry. I wasn't even looking at the screen and she said right away. Yup there's one! Then I could look! We saw the gestational sac and yolk sac. She said everything looked great. The only thing that worried me a little was that the sac measured a few days behind from where it should be. She didn't seem worried at all, and said "congratulations, looks like you're going to have a Christmas baby!". I heard from the nurse at my doctor's office and she said my beta is up to 2275 (we "needed" it to be at 1700). That made me feel a hell of a lot better. She said that when the sac is so small it easy to measure it a little off, and that I'll probably be just fine. I'm a worrier though, and I think with everything we've been through I'm just waiting for the bad news to come. Tim is so positive and sure that everything will be just fine. Most of the time I love that but sometimes I just want to smack him and say "shut up and let me freak out, I'll be fine in a few minutes." Our next ultrasound will be next Monday (Tim's bday). We may or may not be able to see a heartbeat by then. For now we have just another week to wait!

Beta #2

Is 139! I doubled plus a little bit! I feel like I can breath...at least for now. That is until I start worrying about the first ultrasound (which is 4/19)! Wow I think this is actually happening!

Beta #1

It's 64! It seemed a little low to me, but the nurse said it's great and right where it should be! So I'm happy with it! Beta #2 is on Monday and they want that number to double. I hope things continue to go well. Thanks for all the support!

Holy Crap

Well, I can't believe I can say this but, I'm pregnant!! Took a home pregnancy test last night. We are shocked and honestly thought this would never happen for us. I know we have a lot of milestones to hit before this is more official, but we are so excited!!! I had my beta drawn this morning, so excited to find out the number! Guess I had a mini freak out a few days ago for no reason....
Side note: if you know me in real life, or if you are my friend on facebook it will be quite some time before I "come out" about this. shhhhhh :D

Today Sucks

Just a warning, this is not pretty so if you were expecting something upbeat...sorry.


I've been talking a lot about the physical side of infertility and IVF, but the worst part by far is the emotional roller coaster you go through daily. Right now is the time where I struggle to stay positive, and sometimes even hold it together at all. Up until today I felt fairly positive and upbeat, but now I feel like I am doomed and I'm having a hard time making it through this. Today I feel like hope is a nasty 4 letter word, that when I hear someone tell me to have hope I want to gag. When you have been through many failures and devastating disappointments it truly feels like it's never going to happen.
I go through the "why me's" and the "it's not fair". But it is really pointless. This is the hand we have be dealt, and we have chosen to proceed the way we have. Most of the time I can handle the stress, but everyone has their breaking point and I am close to mine. I just keeping telling myself that good or bad we will know on Saturday, and there is nothing I can do now to change the outcome. So, Saturday will either be the best day of my life, or another shitty one in the infertility land.

I can't believe it!

I got a wonderful call from the nurse, they froze 2 more blasts this morning(day 6)! There were a couple of slow growers that caught up! I am in shock that we have that many frozen since last cycle only 1 made it to day 5 and it was really poor quality. All I can say is, WOW! Whatever happened this time, wheat grass or the addition of menopur?...who really knows! All I can say is that this news is making me feel a whole lot better. These past few days I've been feeling really crappy (full feeling in my tummy, nauseous, dizzy)they think I have some mild OHSS. I really needed this news, it's amazing how hearing something like this can actually physically make you feel better! We transferred 4, and froze 4. Things seem to be happening in 4's....yikes!

2 to freeze

Just heard from the nurse that we had 2 great blasts to freeze. Those were all grade 2 on day 3, so I hope the ones in my uterus are doing as well! For a couple months before my cycle I've been taking wheat grass (in theory it helps with egg quality) so maybe it worked!

Why Four?

This is a question I got a lot yesterday. It's a very valid question that I have no problem answering. Four embryos does seem like a lot to transfer, so I'll explain the reason we did it. First off, if you don't know a lot about IVF about half of the embryos arrest(stop growing) between day 3 and day 5. So with doing a day 3 transfer there is more unknown about the potential for them to become a baby. Also, last cycle all our embryos, but 1 arrested between day 3 and day 5. Our doctor felt our risk of high order multiples(3 or more)is extremely low(1% or less) given our history. He felt comfortable with this, so me and Tim did as well. It's one of those situations where you have to weigh the risk/benefit ratio. Is this a good risk for someone that's it's there first cycle? No. But for us with known egg and sperm quality issues, we felt it was a risk worth taking.
I am already driving myself crazy wondering if this is going to work or not, it's going to be a long 11 days!

Embryo Transfer Today!

I am back resting at the hotel after our embryo transfer, and Tim is catching up on some work. The transfer went very well, it was easy and painless. We transferred 4-8 cell embryos! 3 were grade 1 (perfect) and 1 was grade 2(good). We still have 9 growing in the lab, so we'll see if any make it to freeze! Our office only freezes high quality day 5 blasts, so we'll see! Our beta is 4/10, so the wait begins! Here's a pic of our embryos Tim took with his phone, and one of me right after the transfer!

Day 2 update

I called the nurse this morning because the doctor said it is up to us weather we do a 3 or 5 day transfer. I wanted to ask wheather we'd be given the quality grade and how they'd help us make this decision. The nurse was so helpful and we may end up heading to Spokane tomorrow to prepare for a transfer, but still may end up waiting until day 5 depending on what the doctor and embryologist think. Well, some great news we have 10 embryos that are already at 4 cells! They like to see them at at least 2 cells by the morning of day 2! So we have 10 that are growing very well! They usually don't give a report on day 2, but since she had me on the phone she let me know. This cycle is already going better! So, now we just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow and decide what we want to do. Last time we lost all our embryos but 1 between day 3 and 5, so we are scared of that happening again. I'm freaking out a little, this is really the most stressful part to me! But for now I'm so happy and thankful for what we have, and already feel a bit attatched to our little embryos. Here's a picture of a high quality 4 cell embryo I found online. Hope this is what they look like right now!

Egg retrieval

Well I had my egg retrieval yesterday and they got 16 eggs! Last night I was so sore and took quite a few of my Tylenol #3's. I went to bed really early and woke up to a fabulous phone call. Out of the 16 eggs 15 were mature and 14 fertilized! We are so happy! Already this is going better than last cycle! (last time we had 13 mature eggs and 8 fertilize). Now we just have to wait to hear how they are developing on Tuesday! Waiting to hear is the hard part because it's completely out of our hands. But for now we have 14 fertilized eggs sitting in a petri dish in an incubator in Spokane :D This picture is what they look like right now!

Triggering tonight!

Got the call from the nurse a little awhile ago and I'm ready to trigger tonight! My e2 was 2000, she said that was great. I trigger at 12:30am so I'll be sure to set our alarm. I'm so happy to not have any more tummy shots! Not sure why but I have bruised worse this cycle than last. I go in tomorrow morning for u/s and labs then the egg retrieval is Saturday. I'm so anxious to know how many eggs we'll have! This is the hard part!

I'm slow

The cyst is here to stay, but since it's not crowding out the other follicles he said they're going to leave it. Fine by me. I'm happy to avoid getting that drained! We went through some drama before that was decided, they thought I'd get canceled or end up with a very low number of eggs. We paid for 3 cycles so I really didn't want to waste a cycle if we were only going to get a few. I was so incredibly stressed and felt like throwing in the towel with this cycle. I really just wanted a re-do. Of course I did way to much google-ing on cysts that produce estrogen, and freaked out when I kept reading over and over that most doctors wait to start cycles until after these cysts have been absorbed. It's really hard sometimes, but I just have to remember to trust them and know that they really do have my best interests at heart. Those poor nurses, they've all seen me cry...Well I'm sure it's not the first time a patient has cried to them.
Things are progressing well, I'm just a couple days behind. I'm always a little slow at these things it seems. I have at least 6 follicles on each side. The largest measure between 15-17. He likes to see them around 20 by trigger. I am still on 150 of FSH, 1 vial of menopur, and 1 ganirelix every night.
I am feeling good as long as I don't try and do too much. My poor belly is covered with track marks and bruises. It's getting tough to find a clear path for the shots. They're starting to hurt more, but I know there's just a couple days left now.
I got back on Thursday and I hope I'm ready to trigger that night!

Stims day 5

Yesterday morning I had u/s and labs done. This big follicle (they are calling it a cyst) they said there's probably no egg in there, it is getting bigger. They are definitly going to aspirte it on Friday. They didn't do it yesterday, because he said it'll be easier if we let it get a little bigger. I'm am ALL for easier and a less painful procedure! But, because of it they already want we to start ganirelix tonight (this stops premature ovulation). I just hope everything goes okay tomorrow and they can drain that stupid cyst, and move on with the cycle. That thing is just being a pain in the ass right now!
So far I'm feeling okay a little woozy and very tired, but nothing that isn't tolerable. I tried to go for a walk and that failed, I got too far away and felt awful and had to take a long break before coming back...I shoud've known better.
We are doing a day trip tomorrow, then coming up on Saturday and staying in a hotel until after the egg retrieval. We found this great place last cycle that has medical rates of only $54/night and takes pets! I am so thankful that Tim works in IT and can work remotly. We are also bringing our dog Maggie again which is great:D

Started Stims tonight!

First off, it is well worth the money to stay in a hotel when we drive over to Spokane. We stayed with our sister in law at her apartment and ALL night we listened to her drug addict neighbour screaming at her boyfriend. It was on and off every 20 minutes. Then this morning when we were leaving for the doctor, she was outside in her underwear yelling for him to give her her pants. I have no idea how she puts up with this everyday!
Anyway...went in for baseline labs and ultrasound and I had 20 atrial follicles (small undeveloped follicles). I was so happy with this, last time I only had 3 on each side! When the nurse called me later she said I had a larger follicle developing that shouldn't be yet. My estrogen was a little higher than they'd like because the follicle is producing hormones. They said I'm at a higher risk of a premature LH surge (all the eggs prematurely releasing-VERY bad). On Wednesday when I go back for the first follie check they may have to aspirate it. I've never had this done, but it doesn't sound very pleasant! It would be ultrasound guided and they basically suck it out with a needle. I'm a little worried, and hope this doesn't become a problem! I'd hate to get this far just to get canceled. Well, I'm on a much lower dose of meds than they thought because of my high Areal follicle count. So tonight we did 150 units of FSH and a vial of Menapur (which stings like a sob).
I'm hoping for the best on Wednesday! I'd like to avoid the aspiration if at all possible!

Quick Update

I start injections Sunday! I cannot believe it has come so fast! I'm excited (I think). I'm not so nervous this time, because I am no longer afraid of the shots! I go to Spokane on Sunday morning for ultrasound and labs, then if everything looks good we can get going! I was thinking about it, as a joke maybe I should get Tim a nurse costume?? hmmmm I'll think about that one!

First of Many Early Mornings

My doctor is about 2 hours from home, and last cycle in September we stayed in a hotel a lot. About 12 nights in all. It got so old not being home, and sitting in the hotel room most of the day. So....this time we decided to do many day trips instead. This morning I had to be there at 7am for labs, so we got up at 4am and made the drive. 4 hours in the car to be there for 5 minutes! I know it's just what we have to do, but man that was early! I know it's worth it because when we start our cycle I'll only have to go in every other day and it'll be nice to be home.

I did get my calendar and should start stims on March 14th. I'm excited for another shot at this, but not sure I'm ready for the needles again. Even though Tim is great at giving shots, I think he was a nurse in a past life :)
This cycle what we are doing different is we're starting at a higher dose of follistim(350 iu/day) and adding a vial of menapur daily. Also after retrieval they are putting me on estrogen along with the pio(progesterone in oil) because last time me estrogen went from 3200 to 36 in 2 days...no wonder I turned into a raging bitch for a couple days overnight!

Hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day :)

p.s. isn't that a great way to end a post: from raging bitch to Happy Valentine's day!

How did we get here?

Just started a blog! Yes, this is going to be about infertility and IVF, but it will also be about other things in my life. I love cooking and I'd love to share some of my favorite recipes here as well.
I'll start with our infertility history and how we found ourselves doing IVF.
Tim and I got married in June 2004 and knew we'd want to have a family someday. We were young and decided to wait until Tim finished school. In 2007 (I honestly don't remember exactly when) I went off birth control and decided "whatever happens, happens". After about a year we thought something might be up and I went to the doctor. I got the "you're young it'll happen" speech and he told me that if I still wasn't pregnant after another year to come back. In 2008 I went to a different ob/gyn and he put on fertility drugs(femara and clomid). After a several months of that, and no success we decided to go see a fertility specialist.
We were diagnosed with severe male infertility (4%motility, and 0%morphology) which means he has 0% normal sperm. The good new he told us is since the count is good, the DNA should be normal and we will just need help with fertilization. This meant we needed to go straight to IVF with ICSI (inter cytoplasmic sperm injection). This is where they inject the sperm directly into the egg microscopically. After a lot of thought we decided to go for it. We were excited, as our doctor had given us great chances for success given our ages.
Well, IVF #1 = HUGE failure. They retrieved 15 eggs from me, but at transfer we only had 1 poor quality embryo. We transferred it and it did not work.
We learned I have a very high FSH (14), which mean I have a low egg reserve, and low quality eggs. (yes my clock is frick' ticking at age 25!) AND he said Tim's sperm was really bad which isn't helping. He told me we could have put an ad out for each other for the worst fertility match.
So, after a well needed 6 month break we are trying again in March with a new plan!