2nd ultrasound!!!

Today is Tim's birthday and mine next week, and we could've gotten a better gift. We got to see and hear our baby's heartbeat! The heartrate was 113, which they said was perfect, and everything looked great! I am 6 weeks 2 days today and our due date is about December 17th. We are so excited and I finally feel like this is actually real! Here is our first picture, the arrow points to the baby. I know it's just a blob, but it's our blob :)
(if you click on the picture it'll get bigger)

First ultrasound/update

Today we had our first OB ultrasound. I felt like I did right before I took the pregnancy test. Sick with worry,not wanting to know the truth yet no matter what it was. I wanted to remain blissfully ignorant for a little while longer. I knew that wasn't a possibility. We got the the office early and they were waiting on us. I'm glad things moved so quickly, it didn't give me time to sit in the waiting room to ponder. The tech asked me if they had a guess how many babies were in there, I told her I'm pretty sure just one because of my beta levels. Again things happened so fast I didn't have time to worry. I wasn't even looking at the screen and she said right away. Yup there's one! Then I could look! We saw the gestational sac and yolk sac. She said everything looked great. The only thing that worried me a little was that the sac measured a few days behind from where it should be. She didn't seem worried at all, and said "congratulations, looks like you're going to have a Christmas baby!". I heard from the nurse at my doctor's office and she said my beta is up to 2275 (we "needed" it to be at 1700). That made me feel a hell of a lot better. She said that when the sac is so small it easy to measure it a little off, and that I'll probably be just fine. I'm a worrier though, and I think with everything we've been through I'm just waiting for the bad news to come. Tim is so positive and sure that everything will be just fine. Most of the time I love that but sometimes I just want to smack him and say "shut up and let me freak out, I'll be fine in a few minutes." Our next ultrasound will be next Monday (Tim's bday). We may or may not be able to see a heartbeat by then. For now we have just another week to wait!

Beta #2

Is 139! I doubled plus a little bit! I feel like I can breath...at least for now. That is until I start worrying about the first ultrasound (which is 4/19)! Wow I think this is actually happening!

Beta #1

It's 64! It seemed a little low to me, but the nurse said it's great and right where it should be! So I'm happy with it! Beta #2 is on Monday and they want that number to double. I hope things continue to go well. Thanks for all the support!

Holy Crap

Well, I can't believe I can say this but, I'm pregnant!! Took a home pregnancy test last night. We are shocked and honestly thought this would never happen for us. I know we have a lot of milestones to hit before this is more official, but we are so excited!!! I had my beta drawn this morning, so excited to find out the number! Guess I had a mini freak out a few days ago for no reason....
Side note: if you know me in real life, or if you are my friend on facebook it will be quite some time before I "come out" about this. shhhhhh :D

Today Sucks

Just a warning, this is not pretty so if you were expecting something upbeat...sorry.


I've been talking a lot about the physical side of infertility and IVF, but the worst part by far is the emotional roller coaster you go through daily. Right now is the time where I struggle to stay positive, and sometimes even hold it together at all. Up until today I felt fairly positive and upbeat, but now I feel like I am doomed and I'm having a hard time making it through this. Today I feel like hope is a nasty 4 letter word, that when I hear someone tell me to have hope I want to gag. When you have been through many failures and devastating disappointments it truly feels like it's never going to happen.
I go through the "why me's" and the "it's not fair". But it is really pointless. This is the hand we have be dealt, and we have chosen to proceed the way we have. Most of the time I can handle the stress, but everyone has their breaking point and I am close to mine. I just keeping telling myself that good or bad we will know on Saturday, and there is nothing I can do now to change the outcome. So, Saturday will either be the best day of my life, or another shitty one in the infertility land.

I can't believe it!

I got a wonderful call from the nurse, they froze 2 more blasts this morning(day 6)! There were a couple of slow growers that caught up! I am in shock that we have that many frozen since last cycle only 1 made it to day 5 and it was really poor quality. All I can say is, WOW! Whatever happened this time, wheat grass or the addition of menopur?...who really knows! All I can say is that this news is making me feel a whole lot better. These past few days I've been feeling really crappy (full feeling in my tummy, nauseous, dizzy)they think I have some mild OHSS. I really needed this news, it's amazing how hearing something like this can actually physically make you feel better! We transferred 4, and froze 4. Things seem to be happening in 4's....yikes!

2 to freeze

Just heard from the nurse that we had 2 great blasts to freeze. Those were all grade 2 on day 3, so I hope the ones in my uterus are doing as well! For a couple months before my cycle I've been taking wheat grass (in theory it helps with egg quality) so maybe it worked!